It’s my first time

More often than not in recent times, people have been waiting for their first sexual encounter and rightfully so. Whilst sex is an amazing feeling when done in a consensual manner, it doesn’t need to be rushed or feel like you’re putting a square peg in a round hole.

I spoke with Kat (name changed for privacy) who contacted me about a first time experience and what made her consider a sex worker, what she thought, her fears before hand and what she had enjoyed about the experience. I also asked her if she would recommend it to others who were thinking the same thing.

M: Kat, so what stopped you from having sex earlier?

K: So a few of my friends have been having sex since they were about 14 and I would always hear about their experiences. All though it was hot, often they started off at a house party, some guys car or house. What was worrying is that most of these girls and guys had picked up STI’s or pregnant and now needed to explain to their parents why or suffer the infection alone because they didn’t want to go to the doctor or like one of my friends, her parents went to the police because the guy was over 18 and she was 14. All that risk was scary enough, I mean the stories you read and porn is hot, but the risk of my parents finding out was not worth it.

M: That's fair, well you’re over 18 now and that takes away the age risk, and condoms remove the STI risk, what made you wait?

K: Honestly, I was still kinda scarred haha, but seriously though, it was the fact that I don’t want to wake up the next morning and think “Oh Fu**, that was horrible” or some guy who is just interested in his numbers or not my experience.

M: A common theme I hear. Ok, so you waited because it’s your experience and being selfish regarding is extremely valid right?

K: Yea, why should it always be about the guy? We’re still in such a patriarchal world and girls are still seen as an objects that they must just use rather than what she wants. So when my friends hooked up for the first time, the guys didn’t care about her feelings. Most of the time, when they were done, they’d just ignore her the next day, or spread rumours about how she’s a slut or a easy score. It causes such a massive mental health issue that no one wants to talk about. It also makes it difficult at school because who do you tell? I mean it’s underage sex and that in itself is an issue.

M: Indeed, there are several legal concerns that come with it. Ok, so you waited and then you contacted me… A sex worker, and what was your fears or concerns?

K: Well, like there were many things that I thought about, like if he’s a sex worker, does he have diseases, or is he sleazy or safe etc. I mean there’s still a huge stigma around that too. Then I searched male escorts and you get so many different kinds lol, but most guys seem like they are just trying to get laid for money. It was really worrying, then I saw some guys were like super muscly and clearly gym junkies. Also a worry, still very much image focused. I found your profile and you looked genuine and it seemed more like a dating profile than a quick fu** profile. So I contacted you.

M: Yea, I remember you sounded rather nervous, and what made you feel comfortable?

K: When we spoke, you made sure that I knew everything I was doing and about to get involved in, is about my consent and what I was looking for. You also made it clear that if at anytime I didn’t want to go on or felt uncomfortable that we would stop and focus on my concerns. It really made me feel more comfortable and that you were actually a professional. I was still worried that it was all just words and that there would be issues later on. Like no girl can feel 100% safe in the beginning.

M: Indeed, history indicates that safety is always at risk. So tell me about your experience and then I’ll ask you what you did or I said that made it easier to go ahead with.

K: So I wanted to have a night out, some drinks to relax lol and then really to have sex and cuddle after. I mean, I am quite affectionate. It wasn’t like some fantasy wedding night thing, but I wanted to be able to explore some kinky things that I’ve read and thought about but also didn’t know what to expect either.

M: It was a great night of new experiences indeed. So then how did you become more comfortable to actually go ahead with it?

K: Well a couple things stood out for me. You asked what sort of phone I had, Apple or Android. Then told me Apple has a function where if you squeeze the top two buttons an alarm sounds and it calls the police. You said if at any point I felt like I was in danger to just do that. Also you mentioned that I should tell at least two people where I was and maybe what was happening or I was on a date. That way if I didn’t call, they knew there was a problem. Oh and you gave a traffic light system and use of a safe word as well. That really made it a change to what I was thinking. If you hadn’t said that I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it.

M: and now that we’ve had that experience, and I don’t want to go into particulars as it’s your experience but what’s your thoughts or recommendations?

K: Highly recommend it. it was hot AF and fun, but also I know that I will have a memory that will last a lifetime rather than a regret or crappy story when someone asks me. I mean I don’t have to say it’s with an escort if I don’t want to. But at least it wasn’t a drunk mess and in the back of a car or with some guy and no orgasm. I’d recommend it for guys too, like let your first time be fun and not weird or boring.